Hi Steve and welcome.
Don’t apologise, this ios the place to get your thoughts out whatever they are.
While it might not feel like it right now i see some good news. You stopped for ten years!! Well done. So you know the things that have helped you in the past? Are you still going to GA? If not then did it help you in the past?
What other thigns have helped you in the past? What barriers can you put in place?
As I said the good news is that you stopped for ten years, now back to basics and the things that help you before.
This time you can use this site as well and be stronger still.