Hi Stacey
He does suffer because he can’t gamble without losing and that causes CGs to be very unhappy – but – I think you are right that usually they do seem to always be able to find someone to give them money or food or a roof over their heads – I believe them to have a very high survival instinct.
I’ve heard the tweezer ruse before and it is sad but there is seldom anything new in the behaviour of an active CG. It is time to find a place that he will not discover and I know this is really hard to do – maybe you could leave it with someone you can trust, although I know your trust levels must be pretty low at the moment. Maybe, and I cannot tell you what to do, asking him to save for a wedding is not the best thing. If you want to save, save for you and then if he controls his addiction you will have a nest egg to consider the future that you want.
How sad that the flowers and money came at such a cost but unfortunately it is typical of most active CGs. If you can ensure that your savings are really safe maybe in the future a gift would be bought with honest money but the cynical me says that this will not be any time soon.
The disappearing act is common – hoping that the poor behaviour will be forgotten. Maybe when he reappears it would be best just to say that the ceramic pot is no more because the gesture was pointless without him keeping his side of the bargain and leave it at that – no great discussion, just a statement.
As ever
Velvet
