Hi Stacey
It is always when the unexpected bill comes in that our thoughts turn to what might have been if………………..! Nothing comes of the thought, however, apart from a bit more misery on top of the worry of paying the bill.
I am hoping that your partner is suffering because he hasn’t got use of a car. If he is suffering at all, try not to say things like ‘it’s all your fault, if you hadn’t gambled etc’ which is water off a CG ducks back – hopefully what will get through to him is that he is cold and wet because he gambled leaving him with no money to fix the car.
The addiction is selfish – he probably won’t be ready to shoulder the responsibility of his children and you doing the school run as the temperatures drop and he may well use any complaining as a reason for him to gamble – after all who wants to be stuck at home with a partner and 4 children moaning all the time when you can gamble and forget your worries ?
You thinking positively about you is the best thing you can do – hoping for him to wake up and accept responsibility is a waste of your energy.
I am always concerned that my message smacks of rolling over and allowing the CG to wipe their feet a bit more on their loved one – but all the tears, anger, pleading, stress that F&F go through to the nth degree doesn’t make a scrap of difference to an active CG apart from giving their addiction reason to react negatively.
Obviously it is important to protect as much finance as you possibly can and to this end I suggest opening an account to which he has no access or knowledge. Any monies saved are not for paying gambling debts but for protecting your children.
This is only a suggestion, but if it was me I think I would print off the Gamblers Anonymous 20 questions and tick the yeses that I ‘knew’ he should tick and then leave it somewhere he will chance across it. I wouldn’t slap it in front of him making it confrontational but more like something you had copied off privately to help you. If it is possible to have a good conversation about his behaviour then maybe you could tell him that you have had to seek help in order to support him – but do it without being accusatory.
As always Stacey I hope some of this helps. I know the frustration you feel but keep looking after yourself – it confuses his addiction and anything that does that is good.
Velvet
