Hi, dear. First of all I want to send you a huge hug of compassion and understanding. I want to tell you are not alone, as you can see. I honestly don’t know what to tell you that can give a way in which direction you should follow. I am also lost. I can tell you it is so easy to believe them because we want to. More than that, we need to believe. It is our denial process. Since we accept they are not going to change and it possibly will become worse, so we will find ourselves in a deep pain as soon as we realized we have nothing to do to effectively help the men we love. I believe this is what we both are avoiding. Do you believe that yesterday he got all of his salary and I, in a desperation action, went to casino and found him gambling when he was supposed to be working and after he told me “i am not addicted”, I wanted to believe him. I believe him…. and for some minutes my world became possible to live in again. It was around 4:30. I suggested him to go back to his job. We barely talked about what had just happened. After two hours I was in tears and living the same feeling of desperation, frustration and everything that comes with this addiction. I know the truth. But that few hours that I, for some reason, believed to his words made me feel so happy. I am right now waiting to see a psychologist to learn how to make my decisions alone, to acknowledge my pain and to find my way of letting him go… out of my life. I will write later if you want to. You are strong, but this situation consumes and drains us. Find your way to recover part of your energy. Wish you all the best. Hugs with love,
Claire
