Hi Ruth and welcome to the forum. I’ve asked website support staff to remove the advertisement that was posted on your thread!
The feelings you describe including the “itch” that comes with urges is familiar to most of us I would say. I’ve heard it described that gambling on slots and video slots allows us to go into a trance like state where we are away from our concerns and thoughts. And with all of the awful and traumatic things going on in your life it’s not a wonder that you craved that state of being. But it costs us toooo much. Our money, our sanity, our freedom!
Realizing you have a problem and that you need help and support to beat it is a good step. Get a blocker on that other device! What about finding some counseling? Ever thought of going to a Gambler’s Anonymous meeting? Don’t give up on quitting. You are worth the effort.
Laura