Hi RK
Your first post was great – you put you points across well and you are understood.
Having a good heart sadly does not mean that an addiction can’t cause behaviour that wrecks lives and it is good that you have found this forum where you can learn more about his addiction which will give you the ability to cope.
I would never suggest you leave your husband – I will support you for as long as you want me to do so and I believe that in time, with the support from this site you will be in a position to make informed decisions that are right for you, your children and your husband.
Addiction running in families makes this harder but certainly not impossible to control.
Drinking unfortunately lowers his resistance to his gambling – has he ever sought help for either his drinking or his gambling? Does he accept he has a problem? Is he encouraged in his drinking and gambling by his family?
I appreciate you have a young baby but are you working yourself – could you open an account in your own name to protect your finances? Would your husband be willing to hand over the finances of the family to you?
I also appreciate that you are worried about his health and sanity but I would like you to worry for yourself first. If your health and sanity is affected by your husband’s addiction then you will not be able to support anybody. At the moment you are the only person bearing all the responsibility for your family and you need your strength. Every day please do something that pleases you and has nothing to do with gambling so that for a time each day your mind is able to heal a little.
I wouldn’t be writing to you if I didn’t know that the addiction to gamble can be controlled, even with addiction running through the family, even with debts of 100k plus, even when everything looks completely lost – your husband can change his life but he has to want to do so – he has to accept he has a problem and be ready to take responsibility for his behaviour.
Speak soon – you have here a form of extended family who are always listening.
Velvet
