Hi Redare
I appreciate what you are saying that other people have greater crosses to bear but I don’t think weighing one pain against another helps – this is your son, your life, your pain and that is why you are here for support just for you.
I cannot tell you what to do but I believe that it is important for F&F to be totally honest with CGs. You say you love your son and in my opinion texting ‘Goodnight, I love you’ is not only a kind thing to do but a positive, truthful thing to do. He may well delete your words, he may well scorn them, he may well tell you not to do it again – but our children can and do hurt us and as mothers we often have to see beyond our pain – if it was me I would text those same three words regardless of his response or lack of response.
In my opinion, the three small words that you have said to your son since the day he was born are enough and are powerful. What I would not do is write more than those few words because they can be twisted to suit his distorted perception. I wrote a letter full of love, hope and expectation. I learned later that he had read it a thousand times, it was wet with tears, screwed up and torn, thrown away, found, re-read, screwed up but it was never read as I had intended it – his mind, distorted by addiction, only read that I saw him as a failure and a disappointment. It is why I often say that the strangest thing I found about my CG controlling his addiction was that he had to learn to trust me more so than the other way round.
I wish you well and hope you keep posting. I also hope you will pop in to the group tonight it would be good to ‘talk’ in real time.
Velvet
