Hi Rainman,
rock bottom is a very hard place indeed. Are you still able to access a doctor? Is coming off Xanax cold turkey recommended? I’m just concerned that it should be done under the guidance of a doctor. Especially while you are dealing with this addiction as well and the new low it has caused.
We do need to never forget where this addiction has taken us. But we can’t beat ourselves with it. Especially while hanging by a thread.
NA could be a natural starting point to self help. And GA would give added perspective to dealing with the gambling addiction. No one says you can’t do both. Sounds like you need a lot of support right now. They may have insight into local resources for credit counseling. The creditors will start circling and it’s good to know where you stand. ie is bankruptcy the only option? Is there any property that you can protect etc.
Such a difficult place. You are not alone. Reach out for whatever supports you can get. But do not borrow any more from your parents unless they are your only option to keep yourself fed and the lights on. And if so, they must know that the money is going for that. They deserve that much. We will just keep throwing good after bad. We will throw our money and others just as easily. We are addicted to the bet. And we keep betting til the money runs out!! You may as well have asked your parents to lend you crack. The money makes the bet go round.
The denominations were a little different but I did the exact same thing. I borrowed money from my mother to cover an imminent overdue expense and I went and gambled it right away. Literally ten minutes later.
I couldn’t believe what I had done. So insane! But there was hope for me and there is hope for you. Big change is required. One little step at a time.
Laura