Hi R
My favourite words in your post were ‘ I refuse to let me or kids go without any more like I have in the past’ in those few words you are retaking power of control over your life. – well done.
The words that I use to keep myself safe are ‘I will never let the addiction hurt me again’ – similar words and they work for me.
I wasn’t using those words, however, when the addiction was damaging me because I didn’t know anything about addiction so I know how difficult it is to keep determination alive and to believe that what you are doing is the right thing for everybody.
Your husband is indeed vulnerable and I understand your later words ‘I don’t want to stress him out more’ but it is the stress of his addiction (not you) which is rippling like a pebble thrown into a pond – he gambles, he drinks, he loses control, he loses money, he owes more and he takes more and more dead end jobs to clear debts that seem insurmountable. It is like a downward spiral with no end.
Not everybody gets on with GA and it might help him to understand that that is not the only way he can change his life. I am wondering if he would consider contacting our Helpline – it is manned by dedicated counsellors and a CG who has lived in control of his addiction for years and knows exactly how your husband feels. We also have CG only groups run by a CG who has lived in control of his addiction for years. These options are completely anonymous and the Helpline is one-to-one. Nothing your husband is saying and doing has not been heard before but many have changed their lives by trying a different route – there is no one size fits all. One of the expressions used constantly on this site is ‘you say you have tried everything and it hasn’t worked so what can you do that is different this time?’ There is always something.
It will be hard for you to stay so determined to stand against his addiction but allowing it to continue only makes it worse. I really hope you can make the group on Tuesday as communicating in real time is like sitting together on a settee with a cup of tea of a glass of something.
With Christmas coming I know the strains all round will be harder so please keep talking. Do you have a friend who you can trust, preferably one who will listen but not offer unhelpful opinions, which sadly is too common?
Over the weekend please make sure you have some ‘me’ time, perhaps an hour a day, when gambling is denied room in your mind.
He can life gamble free but he needs to seek help, I have never heard of a real success when a CG has gone it alone.
Speak soon
Velvet
