hi peacegirl I am sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time. I have gone through some gambling binges, and I know that if I went to the Casino and put a dollar in a machine that is what would happen to me right now. It would not matter how much I won as I would just feed it back into a machine. I know that even winning small jackpots it did not give me the high that it did in the beginning. I wanted more and more and money had no value to me in a Casino as I just kept feeding it in. It was only after I left the Casino and ended up in my car in tears that I realized what I had done. It did not stop me from going back to try and win back some of the money I lost, but it never worked for me, even if I won I just fed it back in. You are not alone peacegirl there are so many of us who are compulsive gamblers, or gambling addicts, whatever you want to call it. I never thought I would be a compulsive gambler. I tried to do the controlled gambling by only allowing myself a certain amount of cash, by only allowing myself to go once a week, month or whatever, but once I get playing a machine I have no control. I found it difficult to admit to myself that I was a compulsive gambler as I did not think I could survive without gambling. I could not face the thought of never playing my machines again. I now take it one day at a time. I went to see a counsellor for one on one and that really helped me, and also did not allow myself to have access to money/cash. No money = no gambling. I found that for me playing those slots/vlt machines spiralled more and more out of control. Wishing you a gamble free day.
