Hi P
I am pleased that your CG is at least showing you his letters and handy books, many CGs don’t want to share anything on their return from meetings.
You have reminded me a strange feeling I had when my CG changed his life. I felt I had bent over backwards and done everything I could to support him in his determination to live a gamble-free life – but he talked about a support worker all the time who had been the person who had given him the tools to change that I had not known how to give him. It wasn’t jealousy I felt because I would not have minded if a singing octopus with a pink wig and wearing a mini skirt with bells on had given him the tools to change, as long as he had found his salvation. I was more a feeling of loneliness and exclusion.
Your CG is texting other people, people you don’t know, and he says it is because they understand him. I want you to know that this is the right and natural progress for a CG who wants to live gamble-free but more importantly that ‘you’ and how ‘you’ feel is important too. I know how hard it is to live with a person with the addiction to gamble and who has made the decision not to walk away. It is why, I believe, that those who live with a CG who has changed his/her life need support just, as much, if not more, than they ever did before.
Keep posting, keep listening but gradually let him know that you want to try and understand more. It takes time and often quite a long time but I believe that those who control their addiction can use their experience to help others and you can understand so much more than ever seemed possible.
It is incredibly frustrating – but for me and for many that I know the effort has been worthwhile.
In the meantime look after yourself first. Your CG’s fight to control his addiction will probably seem a selfish fight so allow yourself to be a little selfish too especially at this important time. Make sure that every day you have some ‘me’ time because you deserve it.
Velvet
