Hi Miss J
It is a terrible shock to realise that a perfect life and a perfect relationship is not as straightforward as it seemed. I believe the way for you to cope with the bombshell that has dropped on you is to learn as much as you can about his addiction so that you can be one step ahead instead of unwittingly and blindly trusting someone who cannot trust himself.
The addiction depends on secrecy to thrive but now that you are aware, you can protect your finances by putting them in your name alone and you can support your fiancée if he is seeking help to control his addiction.
I cannot tell you what to do but I know that with knowledge you will be able to make informed decisions that are right for you, your daughter and your fiancée.
I appreciate your worry but at the moment you are not committed by marriage and you have time to think what it is that ‘you’ want to do – because ‘you’ matter. Whether you run for the hills or you stay and support will always be your decision. I hope it will help when I tell you that the reason I am writing to you is because I know the addiction to gamble can be controlled.
My thread entitled ‘The F&F Cycle’ has been brought up to the top and I hope you will read it so that you know that you are not alone.
It is ok to ask your fiancée about his meetings and to be interested but not every CG (compulsive gambler) wants to talk straight away. It is important that he can trust you to listen – he won’t expect you to understand but that is why this forum is here – to support you through the confusion. I am concerned that your fiancée say that he is dealing with it and yet the only way that you have found out about his problems is by a fortunate accident.
It is too early to consider re-building trust but given determination your fiancée can change his life and be the man he wants to be because at the moment he is not that man.
I will leave my first post there and wait to hear from you again. Well done writing your post, the first one is always the hardest.
Speak soon
Velvet
