Hi Mabel
It doesn’t sound corny and maybe your new love is going to be your soul-mate but it might be that you have thrown too much into your relationship too quickly. I cannot tell you what to do but I would suggest a period of time in which to reflect on what has happened and to learn about compulsive gambling because knowledge of your boyfriend’s addiction will help you cope and enable you to make the right decisions for you and your three children who depend on your protection.
I cannot tell you to stay or to walk away because all decisions must be yours. Personally, if it was me I would not move in with your boyfriend while he is trying to control his addiction. A CG needs to give his whole heart and mind over to controlling his addiction if he wants to change his life and live gamble-free – which means he must be selfish and look after himself first. Taking on the responsibility of a girlfriend and her children is difficult at the best of times but this does not seem to be to be the time for him to be making such a commitment. He will not be in a position to trust himself for a long time.
I suggest you keep posting and learn about the addiction because knowledge will give you power over it. While you are not ‘thinking straight’ give your energies over to giving your children the best Christmas they can have with limited finances. It is not uncommon for monies lost to a gambling addiction never to be seen again so maybe it is best that you believe it to be gone forever and put losing it down to an experience to avoid in the future.
I hope you can encourage him to keep attending GA and getting CBT whilst perhaps holding back a little on the pace of the relationship. It will be great for for him to know you are supporting him – controlling the addiction takes great courage and I wish him well.
I would not be writing to you if I did not know that the addiction to gamble can be controlled and wonderful lives lived as a result. Turning bad experiences into good is educational for all of us.
Speak soon
Velvet
