Hi Luke and welcome to GT!
Sitting, penniless in the aftermath of a gambling outburst is probably one of the worst and one of the best places we could ever find ourselves.
Worst, because of the pain, guilt,remorse and shock .
Best, because from this point onwards things can only get better . (That is, of course if we sincerely want to avoid a repeat of recent ‘mistakes’)
Here lies the ten dollar question Luke!
Do we want to stop?
As a CG , I must be honest and say I never really wanted to stop gambling! I just HAD to stop! Of course I have had my moments similar to your above description of the “hangover”, when I swore “never again, this is it”or sentiments to that effect, BUT (and there is always a ‘but’) the human mind has the capacity to obliterate the pain and loss that gambling brings and in time a CG succumbs to the addiction and the habit of doing all the old familiar things and visiting the comfort zones creeps up again and in the blink of an eye we find ourselves back to where we started and the cycle continues secula seculorum . That, Luke is the reality of this progressive “illness”unless of course we get wise fast (something I regret not doing) and reach out for the bag of tools GT gives and one day at a time, learn to use those tools to implement change….
Recovery comes ONLY when we change. “What did you do differently” will become a regular question …..
My advice for now is to grasp this chance of recovery and don’t wait until the time comes when you look back with regret and say
“It’s such an old habit, I do it without heeding!”
Keep reading. Keep posting!