Hi Logic
How did the sober month challenge go? Unfortunately, alcoholic drink appears to be an essential at social events – and when drink flows resistance is generally lowered. I am interested that your other half sees living with you as being the answer and although I cannot tell you what to do I am hoping that your choice of username is a strong pointer to your character.
Your family and friends are obviously concerned about you but although I do not believe that disaster is an inevitability, I think you should learn all you can about gambling addiction before you make any move at all. Informed decisions are so much better that jumping in and hoping for the best.
You are right when you say that a CG (compulsive gambler) has to want to control their gambling for their own sake and that you cannot make your other half stop for you.
If you were to fast forward in your mind, do you see a peaceful future in maybe 6 months to a year? If you do not, which in my opinion would be the case, then I suggest you listen to your logical self. Controlling addiction takes time, courage, determination, single-mindedness and starts with acceptance of the problem followed by action. At the moment, you say, your other half is still placing bets in shops and this is not indicative of a person who is seeking change. Maybe your other half could be encouraged to self-ban from all the local betting shops as a first indication that he/she is prepared to do more than just talk about changing their life.
Actions do speak louder than words and I don’t hear your partner’s actions and thoughts as being conducive towards controlling their addiction or addictions. I assume from the fact your other half’s parents are handling his/her finances that they are aware of the problem which is good. Sadly there are many parents who ‘know’ there is a problem but enable through ignorance or simply because they have not got a clue how to deal with the problem that they didn’t ask for or want.
I agree it would be a fresh start for your other half to move closer to you but It seems to me that all the good bits of this ‘fresh’ start appear to belong to your other half. If it was me I would want to see a big change before I undertook such a relationship; for instance, if your other half were to attend GA or AA, or maybe join this site and its terrific CG groups or talk to our Helpline about ways forward – positive action rather than just words which are easy,
I am sorry you haven’t had other replies, our forum is very quiet at the moment but please post again soon and maybe pop into the F&F group on Tuesday 20.00-21.00 hours UK time.
Velvet
