Hi Lambeau
I’m sorry I haven’t had time to write to you today as you have done so well starting your thread. I hope tomorrow afternoon to be able to give you the full response your post deserves.
Controlling the addiction to gamble is so hard but your CG has done well admitting to you that he has slipped up – a slip need not be a negative thing – working through a slip can make a CG stronger for the future. I understand your reaction but I also understand his.
You are hurt and disappointed, you possibly believed that by going to GA he was on the final stretch towards controlling his addiction and you feel he has let you down. I imagine your CG thought that he was on the way to recovery too too and I would imagine he is very disappointed with himself. Your understandable reaction was to walk away and his appears to be to say that you have not understood so he will fight his battle alone.
I hope you will stick with this forum for a while because there is a lot to say. Both your reactions were understandable. I really would like more time to express myself better but in the meantime it is more important to listen than to judge when a CG has started the fight to control a terrible addiction.
If you get the chance maybe you could ask him to help you understand. When you speak to him try and not ask questions or tell him what it is that you want but enjoy talking about what he wants to talk about. He is possibly feeling very lost and frightened.
Early recovery is a very difficult time for CGs and F&F. Trust is in short supply on both sides but it can be rebuilt. I would not be writing to you now if I did not know that the compulsion to gamble could not be controlled so I hope hearing that helps.
Just as you are worried and devastated, he probably is too. I will write more tomorrow but look after yourself and think and talk about anything but gambling, see friends, enjoy hobbies. I don’t have a crystal ball so I cannot know what your outcome will be but if you are willing to stand by him and not enable him financially, then you will be giving him the finest support.
Velvet
