Hi Lambeau
Abstention is not a cure – taking control of an addiction is to change ones life and it is not easy. Many CGs who believe that abstinence alone is enough will often slip. Pathological gamblers must continue to use money and while they stop gambling with it, uncertainty and risk continue to be part of their lives. They have to learn to manage their lives and handle money, not just abstain from gambling. When a CG takes a leap of faith and determines to live in control of his/her addiction they need the right support so it is good that your CG has returned to GA after his slip,
You cannot save your CG, only he can do that. Ultimatums seldom work; if your CG has not got his heart and mind set on change then no ultimatum will make any difference, however, I am glad to hear that he appeared to want to go to GA.
The addiction to gamble makes people depressed, it is an addiction of failure and constant failure makes life hard. The usual way for an active CG to feel better is to gamble but your CG is trying to stop using gambling as an escape. Because he slipped he probably felt disappointed and worthless but he still did the right thing and returned to GA where he is among those who understand him – and that is good.
There is a big difference, in my opinion, between the way F&F cope with the active CG and way they cope with the CG who wants to take control of his/her life. There might still be some lies for a while, there will still be worry, there will still be doubt but if a CG says, ‘I want to be a better person’ then I believe it is better to support by listening without advising and imposing rules. Allow GA to be the guide and support the CG. Let him tell you about his meeting and be interested – but also try and understand if he wants to be quiet about what transpired because he will be digging deep into himself and may not be ready to share.
Keep posting Lambeau, the more knowledge you have of the addiction the better you will cope. Maybe if he is 100 years old he might be too far gone but I believe a CG can change his or her life at any age or I wouldn’t be here.
Velvet
