Im sorry you have found yourself in this situation but happy you have found this site.
I guess firstly you need to know that you will never win that money back……….EVER. No win is ever enough for the compulsive gambler, simple as that. Letting go of that loss is difficult, but necessary to move forward.
So what can you do now?
Finding this site is a great start. Read and post as much as you need to. Use the helpline, there are wonderful, helpful people there.
Is there a GA meeting in your area? You need support, and fast. Other compulsive gamblers supporting each other in a safe space.
I know you don’t want to tell your wife, but it seems to me that she needs to take control of all the finances at the moment. You cant be trusted with money. Tell her not to give you any access to money and if you need it you will ask her.
I did this with my husband and not only did it take a huge weight off my shoulders, it gave me some breathing space. Yes, she will be hurt, but our secrets keep us sick, and she will probably find out eventually.
I know it all seems frightening, but hiding this addiction is not the answer.
At the end of the day the only person who can stop is you. Putting up barriers can really help. You can lead a gamble free life KC, its not an easy road, but it is one worth walking.
I look forward to hearing more from you,
Take care, love K xx