Hi Jen ,
My day 1 was Friday – although in my brain it hasn’t yet happened – a huge fear is stopping me from gambling right now – but I want to .
This time I cannot forget – it is like a constant physical
Pain- I had such plans – I had such motivation and it’s all gone . .
I am finding it hard to leave my room- my room which in the past was my golden oasis and is now old tatty paint, stained shabby carpet, sad curtains ,broken furniture and a constant reminder of my shame .
In truth I knew it was too soon to go home – but I had made promises . I need to stay away – when I have had long spells of being gamble free it is because I have stayed away.
It gets me every time and even when I manage to say no the fire is ignited and I gamble as soon as I get back .
I don’t really know how to change this. I feel it will never stop .