Hi JB
It seems to me that what you are describing is a very one-side relationship in which you believe that, without you, your finance will not pass her nursing qualification and her son will not get through High School . You seem to be carrying the weight of these two people’s lives and yet you are still in an early recovery from your own problem.
I might have got this wrong, in which case I apologise, but in my opinion it appears to be her cocaine habit which is the crux of the problem and the gambling is something that maybe she escapes to when it suits her. I’m sorry if that seems an unfair statement but I am struggling to know how to support you best.
At present you are communicating with me on line. We cannot see each other and even if we met we would pass each other by without recognition because this site offers anonymity. This site offers the same anonymity to compulsive gamblers with a forum such as this, groups run by facilitators with experience and knowledge and a terrific one-to-one Helpline. There is also Gamblers Anonymous’, GA. I don’t know where you live (and I don’t need to) but there are similar organisations for drug addiction and your girlfriend could seek the right support without exposing herself if she really wants to control her addiction and those 5 words are important – ‘if she really wants to’.
The rules set in place by the authorities are there to protect patients and with the best will in the world you cannot be sure she would not abuse her position in the future because addictions get worse unless they are treated. However to safeguard herself and future patients your girlfriend should seek support. Many addicts say they want help but use the excuse that they could be recognised. In my opinion, anonymity knocks that excuse out of the window.
My suggestion would be, therefore, that she seeks support anonymously.
I can sympathise with your thought that she will not keep her side of the financial bargain you have mooted.
I am sure she is a good person but she does have at least one addiction and that means that her behaviour will not reflect her goodness.
Her addiction or addictions are selfish and although I am sure she is not disrespecting you deliberately, she is not taking responsibility for her son or her relationship with you. She is endangering her son’s future, not you. As to ‘why’ – if there was a simple answer there would no need for sites such as this.
Keep posting but above all look after yourself first. You haven’t mentioned how you tackled your addiction but I suggest you return to the support you sought then, to keep you safe because you and your health matter.
Velvet
