Hi Jack
As I told you I am from the F&F forum and as such understand what it is to love a CG and to learn about the gambling addiction.
You believe you have kept your secret for 15 years – I didn’t know for 23 years. As determined as I was to ‘save’ him from I knew not what; he was determined to keep his secret. Those who love CGs do see a lot and they take a lot of pain before something snaps but given time, it is the behaviour, not the loss of money that does the damage. I suspect you are unaware of your significant others deep concerns.
Talking about your addiction does help you but your SO does not have that outlet and you cannot know what is going on in her head just as she is shut out of yours.
I cannot tell you what to do and I don’t do ‘what ifs’ or ‘if onlys’ because my experience is behind me and I can change nothing but I use it for reference and I believe it better for loved ones to know so that they can make informed choices.
I repeat I cannot tell you what to do and I am not suggesting you rush in and instantly off-load your secret to your SO before you are ready. I know it helps those who love CGs to know that their loved one has sought support, to know they are determined to change their lives and to see real evidence of a true recovery. I know how much a true recovery is worth in a relationship but I also know that none of us can be sure of when a true recovery starts.
Keep posting Jack, use every resource this site has got, have courage and determination to change your life, don’t compare yourself to other CGs but draw from their experience – every life is different.
One day at a time.
Velvet
