I’m always a bit hesitant to post on a parent’s thread, especially when it’s a mom. We can end a relationship or get a divorce but we will always love our children and be concerned about them, no matter how old they are. However, one issue is the same across the board imho. As long as we make it possible for the cg to continue on the path of destruction and keep the addiction alive, they don’t have a real reason to make a change and work on their recovery.
My hb completed 2 inpatient treatments and relapsed each time. After the first he did not gamble for many years but the addiction was still there He thought, felt and acted like a dry drunk. After the second he relapsed right away. Despite having spent a year in prison for a crime he committed to finance his gambling. Due to our financial situation I was literally forced to enable him. He had a roof over his head, food to eat, my old car to drive, money for gas and cigarettes and I had no choice because he threatened to take most of the money away should I refuse. He didn’t care about the endless arguments, the agony my daughter and I went through for years every day. Nothing mattered to him but the urge to gamble. The only reason he finally decided to make an honest attempt to face the beast in the corner was that I told him that he had to leave. The threads didn’t work anymore, my sanity was more important to me. He had nowhere to go and nobody to turn to anymore. So he decided to seek treatment again. He had no other choice anymore. Now he has been in recovery for almost 7 years and the changes in him are truly remarkable.
Yes, he was mad at me. Yes, he threatened suicide, became angry and depressed and tried to pull the “poor me” and “it’s your fault when I end in misery” on me. All the time. He wanted me to worry about him and feel guilty. Nothing but manipulation. And not intentionally, I’m sure as he is very disgusted now with the person he became when he gambled.
I like to think that giving a cg money for gas, tickets, and food, to provide shelter and other basic stuff when he actually has enough to support himself, is like giving an addict alcohol or drugs. When there is no real need to quit, it is most likely not going to happen. Sometimes we have to just stand our ground and even if it hurts, it might be what’s best for for the addict.
I hope you find a way to get some peace and joy back into your life.
