Hi Hope
I know you won’t kick him when he is down but I am concerned that your finances are being stretched, you can no longer trust your son with your possessions and sadly his addiction will take you all the way down with it, if you allow it. Your son knows about being answerable to others, he learned it in GMA and he will not have forgotten it; which is why I think there is a likelihood that the reason he is not talking to you is because he is hoping you will go quietly into the night leaving him to go to work and muddle his way through to the next pay day – whilst probably chasing his losses as this is his way of alleviating pain.
I think that “I’m sorting it” is distraction because clearly he is not while you are funding his train fare and he is stealing from you. Is he paying anything for his keep? In my opinion, ‘sorting it’ would be allowing you to take over his pay and budget for him but in my view he is choosing to stick his head in the sand and hope the world will go away.
Maybe an intervention meeting with the whole family would work – a concerted effort to let him know that while you all care you will not feed his addiction and to this end it is important that he seeks help. My only reservation with this is that I know of circumstances where this method has not been successful and the divisiveness of the addiction has raised more issues than it has resolved. It is important, therefore, that all the participants are in agreement with what they want to achieve before they start and that the atmosphere is warm without any threats or raised voices.
I think that maybe the loss of his girlfriend is good in the long term in that your son can focus more on himself and what he needs to do, however, the loss may induce further self-pity for a while which is probably the reason behind his tears.
I agree with Vera when she says to keep telling him that support is available even though he knows it and he knows where to go for it. At the moment he is ‘choosing’ not to seek support.
I am still of the opinion that this thread is for ‘you’ to give you support to help you cope, suggesting he reads one or two selected posts will not, in my opinion, help you.
Velvet
