Hi Help
I understand you feeling moody but I suspect you are very aware that this will not change anything. I would imagine your husband’s addiction is affecting you 24 hours a day so what can you do that is different?
What happens when people he owes money to come to the door – do you answer it and try and sort it out or do you tell them that it is your husband’s responsibility?
Perhaps you could download the Gamblers Anonymous 20-questions which you will find on their web site. Leave it for your husband to read and maybe he will realise he really does have a problem but it can be treated. I don’t suggest handing it to him as he is successfully using anger as a way to manipulate you and I believe it is a waste of breath getting into an argument with him.
Unfortunately there is no magic pill that a doctor can prescribe that will stop your husband gambling. If he is using depression as his reason for his addiction then it is quite possible that the depression is the result of his addiction and not the other way around. Constantly failing would make most people depressed and because your husband owns the addiction to gamble he will constantly fail if he gambles because that is the nature of the addiction. GA, GMA, our Helpline, our ‘CG only’ groups are all available to your husband and they are all anonymous. Maybe you could tell him that you have sought support for yourself – many CGs do not think that those around them need support because it is a very selfish addiction.
The lies and dishonesty are his way of denying he has a problem to himself and those around him. It is the ‘gamble’ that excites him and the lies are a form of gambling, money is only the tool for him to gamble, not the reason.
Blaming everybody else is to deny that he has a problem – if those around him are telling him the truth and he doesn’t want to hear it, he will perceive that they are to blame for his misery. It is only in a true recovery that a CG accepts honesty. True recoveries are possible and it is only because I know that the addiction to gamble can be controlled that I am writing to you now.
Do you have the means to save money in your own name to protect you and your children? How has he cleared his debts before?
Please keep posting and please use the F&F group on Tuesdays between 20.00 – 21.00 hours UK time. Nothing said in the group appears on the forum and you are completely safe. It is good to communicate in real time.
Speak soon
Velvet
