Hi Go
I think it is very hard for those who have not lived with the addiction to gamble to be able to say the right words and often to even think the right things. I am sure that before this experience changed my life I would never have understood and probably made really crass comments.
I would never tell you to stay or to leave. What I ask is that you gain all the knowledge you can about the addiction to gamble so that you can make your own informed decision about ‘your’ life.
I don’t quite understand what you mean when you say that your boyfriend has never done you wrong – it seems to me you wouldn’t be here if he has always done things right.
When I first started working as a therapist I wrote to someone that my CG had finally left me because I believed he didn’t want to hurt me anymore. Fortunately my CG, who has taken control of his life and was reading my earlier posts, phoned me and put me straight – he told me that he left for himself and it was never about me.
The addiction to gamble is selfish and it will bring those who love them all the way down if they allow it to do so. Guilt is unnecessary for both of you. Your boyfriend has an addiction that neither he, nor you, wanted nor asked for so guilt is a waste of energy. He is the only one who can save himself however, nothing you can do or say can save him from himself if he is not ready to change his life.
The addiction to gamble doesn’t get cured and sadly it gets worse without treatment. Your boyfriend has rejected GA because he was bored and I hear denial in those words. I understand it making him feel weird, Gam-anon made me feel weird but every GA and Gam-anon has people in it who are trying to live without the addiction to gamble wrecking their lives and I find that anything but boring.
It takes courage and determination to face the addiction; it takes weeks and month to fully enjoy a gamble-free life but it only takes one day at a time to achieve that goal.
I think you maybe know the right thing for you to do but the hard bit is doing it. If it was me I would need to see ‘action’ that says that he is seeking support.
We offer tremendous support here on our Helpline and in our CG groups. GA is fantastic although I understand that it is not for everybody.
Keep posting and you will eventually see the way you want to go.
Velvet