Hi Geordie, I always rem you train journeys…
I have to say one day at a time never worked for me either ..If it did I would never have got into this mess. i need to think longer term for example last month I needed to look forward to buying my son his new school blazer.. This month I can’t wait to get him his nice trendy new trainers.. I might take him bowling , swimming , to play tennis it golf.. It’s looking forward that helps me
. It was stopping to pay for a holiday which was booked , half paid for and the family couldn’t stop talking about which FORCED me to stop.( with support several times daily from GT). And then I found I liked looking forward to things .
One day at a time makes me want to run to the nearest casino as it sends me into waves of panic and depression . It makes me feel like a failure who can just fight her way through today to survive , who cant look forward beyond bedtime .But I know different things work for everyone ..
I prefer Charles way of looking at it .. You just have to avoid your next bet … Which is like a diabetic has to avoid sugar or a coeliac has to avoid flour . It seems easier to think I have to avoid one thing than I have to force myself to survive just for today ..
I haven’t read the book you describe but I am feeling that kind of freedom you describe .. I am not going to test if I am cured, and certainly don’t claim to be, but I do feel free.
I think having money in the bank is very liberating and also learning to enjoy normal things . However you need money to do normal things … (people keep telling me going for a walk is free, but if I enjoyed that I probably would never have bothered to gamble )
What hits me most about your posts is how calm you are now . Gone is the frantic Geordie bouncing from one calamity to the next ( I hope you don’t find that offensive ) and instead is a man who can forget to pick £40 from the ATM but have enough money so that it does not become a crisis .
Can you remember the early days of your recovery … What was that changed for you that made you able to stop.?
I mean how did your thoughts change ..
I also identify with how things like clearing a room can give you a sense of reward. I like your thread Geordie .. I know how far you have come ..and it fills me with hope !! I like that you write nice long posts and that you think about not just your own recovery but the “process” of recovery . I like that your posts are so positive ..
Keep writing Geordie !!
.