Hi February
Your boyfriend has taken a big, positive step by admitting his addiction to you and if he has taken further steps by closing his accounts his actions are to be commended.
I appreciate that you feel your future is drained but your boyfriend didn’t want or ask for his addiction, he could not have known when he placed his first bets that a compulsion to gamble would be his lot – if he had, he would never have placed those bets.
Every day will be a battle for quite some time but his battle will be the greater – he will have to watch his actions for the rest of his life but the good news is that, unlike him, you can recover from this shock.
I suggest that you learn as much as you can about his addiction to help you support him, whilst taking great care to look after yourself. If you fall apart because of his addiction then you will be unable to help either of you. Keep up with your hobbies and interests, see friends and family, and enjoy your life because you deserve it.
True recoveries have to start somewhere and your boyfriend has made a good start but without support he is likely to crash. You cannot save him but you can direct him to those who can support him. GA is fantastic, as is this site. We have a terrific Helpline which is open to you and your boyfriend; it is one to one and private. We have compulsive gambler groups where he can share his journey and private concerns, they are facilitated and safe. We have the forum entitled ‘My Journal’ where he can write as much, or as little, as he wishes but where he will receive support from those who are walking the same road as himself.
If your boyfriend could not control his addiction I would not be writing to you; if he could not live a wonderful life in control of his addiction I would not be writing to you. Many, many CGs go on to live, perhaps more fulfilling lives because of their addiction, they have to go through so much to learn control and in doing so they learn so many life lessons that they by-pass those who have not had their experience.
I don’t know what you will decide to do or what your outcome will be but I wish you both well and hope that you will post again. It might take longer than you anticipated before you move in together but if this waiting time is used to gain knowledge of the addiction and to enjoy life without gambling then I believe you can find the man you want your boyfriend to be and more importantly he can find the man that he wants to be.
Velvet
