Hi everyone, Thanks so much for all your replies.
Just a bit of an update –
We have decided to give the relationship another go. Its apparent from both of us, that its not the right time to go our separate ways.
My CG (who actually posted a reply in this post, in case you missed it) is committed to staying sober. He has stopped weed, gambling and alcohol. With one slip up this year on the gambling. This is a huge achievement for him. It shows me the fight he has in him to beat those demons and keep them at bay (with GA (his suggestion) and psychotherapy for him, but also couple and therapy for my own self). He wants to fight with everything he has (and outside help) to beat this for him and to save us.
We aren’t going into this naively, or blindly. We both know there are addictive tendencies there, and he has reached a point where he knows he cant continue his life letting them control him.
So, we are going into this, ready to discuss personal boundaries, and what that means for us and our relationship. Also about handling future mistakes, or slip ups.
I’m a bit worried that if he slips up, he wont want to tell me, because he may be worried i will walk away, which is what i just did. I’m not sure how to work on that one – because i think i struggle with my view of the tricky balance of working through slips up and upholding personal boundaries. But I’m hoping that we can discuss in therapy together. I think I just have to come up with a clear idea of what my personal boundaries are and tell my partner so he knows what they are, and what will happen if they are abused, I think it’ll help with them being clear to both of us.
So, we know there’s work to do, but apart from all the negative impact the gambling (and other addictions) are playing on our relationship, but we do have amazing parts of our relationship too. and there are more ups than there are downs, by far,
Will keep you updated with our progress.
Vera – you didn’t monopolize my thread at all – I appreciate all your input, and you really made sense to me. I’m going to making sure I am looking after me and my son, and Ill continue to make sure I take time for myself and Ill make sure I’m not losing touch with me as a person in all this too. Thanks so much!