Hi Everyone,
It looks like I’m going to rehab for gambling in an attempt to kick this once and for all.
I am struggling constantly of the what if’s and how much better my life would have been just three months ago if I didn’t use gambling to self medicate when I was upset from my situation.
Since I knew I had a gambling problem in April after spiralling out online the time has just flown by and I’ve honestly done nothing since due to the depression.
All the missed opportunities and chances to excel in my job are all overlooked now because of the depression.
And now I smoke, which I never use to do before. I also can’t remember, sleep, or concentrate on the most basics of tasks.
It’s a beautiful day outside but I don’t feel emotions anymore I just stay flat. Everyone knows about my problem and the friends I thought I had have since drifted by the wayside.
I hate that I did this to myself and that I’m relegated to being a walking zombie for the rest of my life, which I really hope isn’t to long to be honest.
If things don’t get any better after rehab I’m really out of options and want to make an exit bag. I didn’t lose the time to gambling, because you can lose so much so quickly online. But I’ve lost it to the depression that makes doing anything impossible…eating right, working out, were all things that I did before I gambled online.
It’s just a horrible existence and I wish I never gambled in the first place.
What I really hate is how it’s destroyed my confidence and self esteem, whereabouts beforehand I never had trouble finding a nice girl to spend time with, now I have no interest in that and I’ll be turning 30 soon with a shattered life.
What’s the point in living if there is no happiness or joy…why didn’t I learn my lesson after maxing out my CC the first time.
As you can probably tell my writing and structure is horrible, likely because now I don’t care about anything….
I just keep feeling what’s the point of it all….