Hi Everyone,
Day 331 – Just waking up after sleeping in. Saw a couple emails from the site and it made me want to post. I think it was Jac’s post. I find myself mad at him/her. I don’t like that he/she won’t just try harder. But I forget how disabling this disease is…. It’s a good example of how this disease just tears someone completely down and shreds them of any self worth and strength. I’m so scared to think thats all just one bet away for me. I sure hope he can find the strength to carry on and stop hurting.
Finding Laura – What a fitting name for a gambler in recovery…. quitting gambling is a reveal for sure. We find out who we are again. It may be really difficult to find out who we are which is the reason why we may have started gambling. But thats where the real work and therapy kick in. I just love that name… I read your posts above and must have missed then previously. I’m sorry to hear about your back. What part of your back did you have work on and need work on now? Did you have any nerve damage? What kind of surgery do you need to get? I’ve been getting a bit stronger by the week and am hoping for more and more but it’s been slow. My back is pretty bad. They took out close to 40% of the disk so no matter what I do the pain is there. It’s tough living like this but not sure what choice I have. The doctor has no answers either. Talking to him is like talking to a broken record of maybe’s and possibly’s. He literally told me when the pain gets unbearable come back and see me and I’ll do another surgery that will take 80% of the pain away. I 100% agree with you about the correlation of issues with our bodies and the issues with gambling. But I think gambling just latches on to anyone who isn’t just suffering from a physical problem but more of a mental problem that a person has. The physical problem most likely causes a mental problem that needs to be addressed by the individual and a counselor (many types) that the person has a connection with. Basically what I’m saying is that in order to really quick gambling we have to take a look into our minds with the help of a professional that we trust. Just my two cents
Hi Idid It – Thanks for saying hello. I do love the way new clothes feel. I had two people compliment me on how I looked and it made me feel so good. I also just love the way new socks and new shoes feel…. I gambled for so many years I just forgot what it was like to spend money on anything and myself. I always never had enough money. If I did I was always worried it wasn’t;t enough. If I needed new clothes I would buy a 3 pack of shirts at Walmart. Or 1 pair of crappy jeans at Walmart. For the first time in like 20 years I went shopping for clothes and spend like 2-3 grand. I got like 6 business shirts, 10 sweaters, 7 pairs of pants, 15 pairs of new socks, 3 pairs of new shoes, etc. It barely made a dent in my savings. I don’t think I’ve ever done that before. Now I have a bunch of awesome clothes to wear to work and it feels so great!!
Thank god I stopped gambling. I know I lost a fortune. But you know what. Maybe I needed too. I feel blessed to write that I feel good and that I spent 3k and don’t care because it was on something I’m actually loving. Oh and I bought this amazing new backpack and just said fuck-it and got the best one.