Hi D
I’m sorry that you are not getting the replies you deserve, sometimes (I don’t know why) members slip down the forums and get missed. You wrote a lot more in your first post with the title ‘Down the Rabbit Hole’ so I am going to respond to that at the same time as this thread. As I went to post this I noticed that you have now had a couple of replies but I will send this anyway.
You wrote that you are ‘completely’ addicted and I would argue that you are not – there is a lot more to you than your addiction and it is all your other worthwhile attributes that I hope you will find and learn to love.
I am so sorry that your husband did not offer any support when you asked for it, I know it is harder to control an addiction without the help of loved ones but I know it can be done or I wouldn’t be writing to you now.
Why do your plans fall through? Are the plans you are making with your family achievable plans or are you setting the bar too high, it is important to achieve goals so maybe you could set the bar lower?
Avoiding casinos at weekend when you visit your family sounds achievable to me – maybe you could write again and let us know how well you did. Church too, has supported many gamblers when they seek to control their addiction, I hope the other church members are friendly and offer positive support to you.
I look forward to reading that you got to GA this Friday and that you return with positive thoughts as a result. Abstinence isn’t recovery D, desire is the niggling voice that has to be silenced and you can do it. I know that you don’t desire to feel as you do now so I hope you will keep posting and join our groups where you will be supported without judgment.
Maybe you could hold off telling your husband a bit longer,; it is always good to share a problem when you have accepted it yourself and turned words into actions.
Well done not giving up on us – keep posting
Velvet
