Hi CT,
I don’t have all the answers for you. I wish I did. I do know that suicide is not the answer you are looking for. Your parents, your girlfriend, your friends, would tell you that themselves if they had the chance.
I also know that you’d should protect your next pay before it arrives or you will have a good chance of losing that too.
It’s like we can’t seem to help ourselves when in full blown gambling mode. We need to put in place measures to prevent access to our own money in the beginning.
If you tell your girlfriend there is the risk of losing her. But if she finds out you are lying to her and faking an illness, or if she senses the untruth it may turn out much worse. Also, is it fair to her to be in a relationship with someone who is hiding an uncontrolled addiction from her? Just some thoughts.
When you came clean to your parents before, what ACTIONS did you take to help yourself? Did you attend a few GA meetings and/or go for addictions counseling? Did you ban yourself from the sites and locations you were using for gambling? Or did you put gambling blocking software on your phone? Did you ask your parents for help in controlling your finances? I am asking because just trying to stop because we have hit a new financial bottom and are embarrassed and humiliated is so difficult without using some or all of the tools I’ve mentioned above.
There IS normal life after this addiction. Maybe look at some of the things I’ve mentioned. You are still so young. So much time to live a gamble free life. Time to make up for the losses through hard work and smart choices. Don’t totally despair. Tough times ahead to get through. But don’t do anything foolish like harm yourself. As a parent let me assure you, that is not the choice your parents would want you to make. Deep breathes!
Laura