So sorry… I can feel your frustration.
I hope this doesn’t sound rude/harsh but currently you have the insane running the asylum. You keep looking for rational behaviour from your son who is mired in addiction. It is just not possible for him to see this until he feels pain and consequences.
We all do it. Keep trying to find that magic word or piece of advice where they finally see and admit what they are doing is self destructive. We can see it as clear as day… why can’t they?
Maybe it’s time for you and your wife to reclaim your lives. It is very hard on a marriage and addiction just loves to divide and conquer… create lots of chaos so that the attention is off the addiction.
I really am so sorry … this is c**p all round.
Cathyx