Hi Bee, I am so sorry to read about your loss. I think for many people gambling addiction can be triggered when we are trying to cope with huge stress. I know for you that there was not a happy resolution to your worries and this pain you must carry with you always .
Have you had grief counselling?Perhaps It is time to speak with someone again. Perhaps it would be helpful to feel listened to and maybe it would help make sense of things in own head . You may have needed an escape for the past number of years but the fact you have come here tells me that you are now ready to face life without using a ‘crutch’ which I think gambling was for you.
You may have an addictive personality – I think most people do – but u do deserve a good life. You are doing really well in stopping gambling – the first days are really hard! An addictive personality can be controlled . I am living proof of that.
You will be amazed at how quickly life get better once you stop gambling . I think sometimes we get so low with gambling we feel we can never climb out – but we can and people to all the time.
Keep working it Bee- day by day, minute by minute. It is so worth sacrificing one thing in your life (gambling ) for all the rewards a gamble free life gives us