Hi Beau
A CG can (and often is) educated, charming, lovable and friendly but living with an active CG puts such enormous pressures on F&F that sometime it is impossible to continue the relationship. There are many instances of people who cannot walk away completely, they can cease to function in a normal relationship but there is a tenuous thread that cannot be 100% ignored such as children, parents (and often siblings) of CGs.
‘You’ are the only key that can stop your life being devastated by the addiction of another. What are you doing to improve your life? Are you seeing friends, have you taken up hobbies or interests? Are you allowing yourself the freedom to enjoy being you? What was the purpose in confronting him with your belief that he was still gambling and why advise his family of what you have learned when you know such input has changed nothing before?
Maybe keeping in touch is not the right thing for either of you. When my CG son and I were estranged there was no ‘keeping in touch’. I didn’t know till much later, when he had taken control of his life, just how far he had spiralled down but I know I would have tried to save him if I had known. In effect what I would have done was given him the belief that the door was slightly ajar, that one day I would let him in again and save him. Fortunately I didn’t know and when he eventually fell into the black abyss the only person who could save him, was himself.
It is tough to stand back and allow a loved one to fall but he has to save himself and nothing you can do or say will save him. The only person you can save is you Beau; learn to love yourself and give yourself a chance to live in the centre of your life and not on the periphery of his.
I wish you well
Velvet
