Hi Bams
Please start your own thread, your post deserves more than I can give you here.
I hope you will keep posting because there is so much to say and it cannot be given in one lump but understanding the addiction, I believe, is important to the well-being of F&F. It is the ‘gamble’ that means so much to your CG because it excites his brain in a different way to the way gambling would affect you or me. Without the right treatment he doesn’t know how to change the way his mind is excited – it is as though his head is full of water, leaving no room for anything else. Unless he seeks the right treatment and his addiction ceases to be enabled he won’t know how to tip some of the water (addiction) out to make room for good and honest thoughts such as helping you. He will almost certainly be unhappy with the way he is and I suspect your happiness makes him feel worse because he doesn’t feel happy – but you are not to blame and his unhappiness is no reason for you to be unhappy.
Your happiness is so very, very important both to you, your family and ultimately to your CG. If he wrecks your happiness then that is another piece of wreckage caused by his addiction which is moving on inside his brain like a roller-coaster with no brakes – giving him another reason to gamble which is his escape from reality.
I cannot tell you what to do but what I suggest is that you do more than put on a happy face this Christmas. I suggest you resolve to keep posting until you know what it is that is right for you. With knowledge you can make informed decisions and retake control of your life instead of allowing the addiction of another to control your well-being.
I am not suggesting you leave your CG or even that you stay with him – all decisions will be yours. I lived in the shadow of the addiction to gamble for 25 years, 23 of them with no understanding whatever. I wouldn’t be writing to you if I didn’t know the addiction to gamble can be controlled but sometimes when we think have tried everything it is time to try something different.
I suggest you have no expectation that your CG will behave himself this Christmas but allow him to go and do whatever he wants to do without complaining which only wears you out – and gives him a further excuse to believe that only gambling will eventually bring him hapiness. As I said I cannot tell you what to do but in my opinion informing other family members bluntly that your loved one is a CG but that you are now seeking help and would welcome support over the Christmas period without opinions could help you cope. Some people ask questions and want to know, other do not but gambling addiction is not normally a subject raised and any understanding is difficult.
Anything you disagree with or want to ask please come right back at me. Unfortunately the next F&F group is not until after Christmas but maybe during that group we can use it as Topic Group for F&F aims over the New Year celibrations and 2017.
Best wishes
Velvet
