Hi Annie
Many CG are often highly intelligent but they lack logic and rationality when it comes to gambling making it very difficult to communicate with them without feeling you have come off worst.
Maybe the following will help you cope better, it isn’t recognised professionally but it has helped so many people I always think it is worth passing on.
Active CG are always ready for combat, as arguments often can be turned into a excuse to gamble, the atmosphere in a room can change as soon as they feel that ‘that’ conversation is starting again.
If you can imagine your SO’s addiction as a slavering beast in the corner of the room waiting for any perceived threat, I believe it helps to recognise the danger signals and avoid them. As long as conversations are light and general the addiction beast stays quiet but the minute your SO’s addiction feels threatened his addiction beast is between you and from then on ‘it’ directs the conversation.
The good news is that although your SO is controlled by that beast you are not and by listening to what he is saying rather than rising to the lies, threats and manipulation, you will gain knowledge. Once the addiction beast is between you, you will not hear your SO, you will only hear his addiction seeking to demoralise, confound and blame you. The addiction to gamble is the master of threats and you are not and nor should you have to be.
It was explained to me by a CG like this. The constant failure experienced by CGs destroys their self-confidence and self-esteem leaving them feeling worthless. When, for instance, you tell your SO that you love him he will almost certainly have trouble believing you because his distorted perception will have trouble accepting that you would love someone who is such a failure. Believing himself to be without worth your SO will fight back with distortion and lies because sadly, at the moment, he doesn’t have or know any other coping mechanism.
In my opinion, standing back and listening to what he is saying hopefully makes it easier to stay out of an argument that has no point apart from making you feel less in control. Once you begin to try and put your side, the addiction has something to get its teeth into.
This might sound negative but the positive side is that it removes you from the centre of the addiction giving you time and energy to look after you and looking after you is so very, very important.
I will leave this here and await your thoughts. Ask me anything and if at any time you don’t understand me or disagree with me please just say.
Velvet
