Hi Anni
I am really glad that you and your husband are united over your son’s problems – the addiction is divisive and so often couples struggle with each other.
With regard to your other children, I have dug up a thread I wrote entitled ‘Siblings’ because when addiction is in your home everyone is affected – I hope it helps.
Your son went through the GM programme Anni but it seems he didn’t take on board all that there was on offer – we have an ex-residents group on Monday evenings at 7pm where he could maybe do some rethinking, like all the other groups he can be as anonymous as he likes. The ex-residents understand the pressures of taking the tools into their lives and struggling – nobody could ever say recovery is easy. I have heard the process described as a seed planted that needs nurturing to become strong – the blossom comes a lot later.
When my son left GMA I was terrified of making a mess of things just in case this really was a true bid for a gamble-free life, I wanted to back the programme up but of course I had no knowledge of how to do so. Through fear, not judgement, I asked him to help me understand because I wanted to get things right, and I soon realised he had to learn to trust me! He had learned to open up and talk on the programme but he was reticent with us for a very long time – I suppose it was to protect him from the backlash he was obviously expecting – and which he received from others. Whereas you and your husband are doing your best not everybody is prepared to let him ‘get away with it’ and you cannot protect him from the anger of others.
So my thought is that if he could/would talk to his old support worker, go in the ex-resident’s group or talk to the Helpline here, he may be able to say what has gone wrong for him, just as he did when he was on the programme.
The devastation that your husband is feeling when his son will not talk to him is felt by all who travel this lonely road. Early days of recovery are, in my opinion, tougher in many ways for F&F than the active addiction days. The GM programme probably felt like the Last Chance Saloon to you – I know it did to me, so with that hope dashed the world has caved in and you are left feeling as you do now. The invisible walls your husband wants to break down can be destroyed but in the meantime with knowledge of the addiction it will become easier for you to see your way forward. You can get masses of information on this forum about how to cope with your son’s addiction – we can be totally open in an F&F group.
Speak soon
Velvet
