Hi Angsty
I might have to end up calling you Angie because Angsty sounds so sad and I am sincerely hoping that when you have had time with us in the this forum and hopefully in the Tuesday group you will feel a lot better.
It is your husband’s addiction that is causing you to feel trapped but you don’t own that addiction so I suggest you do not have to be controlled by it. Don’t ever feel you have to ‘resign’ to misery. I believe you are a very special person who has temporarily forgotten how to love herself due to years of an unhappy experience. Easy to say I know but there are many things you can do to help yourself and not everything will be learned in one post.
I will answer your last question first because the answer to it is the reason that I am here writing to you at all. I know that the addiction to gamble can be controlled and wonderful lives lived as a result – sometimes better lives because of the strength that comes from controlling the addiction.
I am not surprised that you are resentful, angry, torn hurt and probably a whole lot more. It’s OK to feel such anger, your husband’s addiction is wrecking the good life you could be having but it is also wrecking the good life that he could be having because he doesn’t want and didn’t ask for his addiction anymore than you did. He would love to gamble responsibility but unfortunately he cannot and that is what he has not understood – yet.
I don’t for a minute think you want to wallow in your hurt, I think you want to be happy and laugh without stress which makes cuddling the person who is denying you that pleasure something you would rather avoid. I would feel the same,
Has your husband ever admitted or accepted he has a problem with his gambling, has he ever sought help for it?
Do you have any friends at all to whom you can turn even if it is just to hold the hand of someone who cares?
In cyber space I am holding out my hand to you and I will walk with you for as long as you want me to do so.
I am bringing up my thread entitled ‘The F&F Cycle’ for you so that you can see that all that you have experienced is recognised and you are not alone. I remember when I first found out that I was not alone I howled for weeks at every Gamanon meeting I attended – I didn’t know about this site at that time. Maybe you have a Gamanon group in your area and if so I suggest you would find it a great help – it is good just to sit and share with others even the silliest things because somebody in the room will almost definitely have had the same experience.
Do I understand correctly that your husband has now moved out –and if so how are you communicating with him and is he with people who will be enabling him?
I am going to leave my first post to you there but I wanted you to know that you have been heard and understood.
Well done writing what must have been a very difficult post – I hope you felt better for putting your thoughts down.
Speak soon
Velvet
