Hi Alma
Congratulations on your recent marriage.
I assume and hope that you no longer visit the small slot stores – sadly joining a gambler gives a green light to behaviour that is unacceptable for an active (CG) compulsive gambler.
The action of gambling causes excitement, a risk, the thrill of getting away with something, the possibility of significant loss or the opportunity for spectacular success. Your wife is making things happen rather than fixing things and/or finding solutions and she needs treatment to ascertain what it is she is avoiding.
Abstention is not a cure and the 4 months you believe were gamble-free does not mean that she was not ‘dry gambling’ in her brain – CGs have to learn to manage their addiction rather than to abstain. She may have stopped betting for money for 4 months but that will not have stopped her making mind bets which is ‘dry gambling’. Mind bets are not uncommon and they are a way to ‘stay in action’ without detection, however, the addiction is still getting fed and as long as it is fed it will thrive until it becomes too much and behaviour such as you are seeing pours out again.
It was ok to tell her that you were not angry and that you were scared but I’m sorry to say that your feelings are not enough to stop her gambling. She is the only one who can stop and to do so she has to accept her addiction and want to stop for herself and seek support.
I am glad that you have started your thread and I hope you will keep posting because your mental health is important to you and your wife. She will not be deliberately hurting you and if her addiction succeed in bringing you down then neither of you will be able to cope.
I think what you are talking about is ‘family intervention’ and this can work for some but has to be handled with care. How many members of your families know about the situation within your marriage and how many have been affected or enabled? The addiction to gamble is divisive, allowing it to gain enablement, so it is important that everybody is in agreement as to how to carry out an intervention. Gamblers anonymous (GA), this site and dedicated counsellors are terrific means of support.
Keep posting Alma and learn all you can about the addition to gamble because knowledge of what is hurting your wife and yourself will help; you cope and make the right informed decisions.
Try and not be terrified. Even if it does not appear to be so at the moment you are stronger than she is because you do not own her addiction and if you do not allow it to bring you down there is little to fear.
Velvet
