Thanks velvet for writing back. After reading everyone’s stories I have a much better knowledge. He kept trying to push me away and saying we are over. After 5 days he has admitted that he has been awful to me and is shocked I am still fighting for us. Even tho yesterday he kept saying he was mad I left him on New Year’s Eve. I just kept trying to be neutral and not blaming anyone for anything but we all have different reactions to situations. I again stand by for leaving especially after he has treated me awful when he gambles and loses. We have said if he needs to talk away and need space say that. Then I know but don’t attack and call me vial names. That’s not appropriate. He said he had warned me it’s getting worse. I told him u telling me and giving me all the info in the world doesn’t prepare me in that moment. I have seen him do crazy things and say horrible things. So even if it’s not as bad it’s the weight of MANY bad situations hits me all at once. I know he hates himself. He has said that several times. He use to make himself happy and he’s struggling to do so bc of the addiction. I have said over and over again the past few days u need to get professional help. It can’t just be on me to support you. He says he never asked me to. Definitely contradicts himself a lot. Because he yelled at me I didn’t try to stop him. I think today we had hopefully a break through. He doesn’t want to talk about it but I brought it up again about getting help. He couldn’t even look at me and looked upset. He left and said sorry I hate that I have made you so sad since u moved out here. I said u need to help urself and this makes me sad that ur lost and not the man I fell in love with. He said he misses himself to. I hope this was the “rock bottom” and he’s tired of feeling this way and do something about it. He said he wanted to break up bc seeing my face reminds him that he failed me. He can’t handle failing or losing. I said the only way u fail me is by pushing me away. I told him I am genuinely happy and I smile at him. He tells me all the time it’s too cute it kills him.
do know he’s a control freak. So between losing and him feeling like i abandoned him on new yrs I think scared him emotionally. He never has serious emotional relationships and I said when u love someone u give up complete control bc now u really have to trust the other person practically going in blind.
I myself have been seeing a therapist for years. I know I get seasonal depression or get depressed for a variety of reasons. I on the other hand have been learning and trying to become the best version of me that I can. My family and friends have been a huge support system for me. They keep saying trust ur gut and stay focus on u. I am for sure. I was married before and didn’t do that I know that was part of the reason it wasn’t successful. I don’t want to go back to my old habits. So when my current bf said ok let’s work through this but u should save ur money and not get ur own place. I said no I’m going to kill it with my new job that it won’t matter even if I don’t use it often. It’s a way for each of us to get space. We are not at the stage of the relationship to live together full time. He agreed so I’m sticking to my guns. I’m trying to make new friends in the city. My therapist and I talk about boundraies. So with him wanting to work on this. I’m going to try to set new boundraies for him. I don’t want to enable him in any aspect of his life.
Any other advice that anyone could recommend would be hugely helpful.