Hey Gino,
Deep depression can take away everything joyful and makes an evil bed fellow with addiction. I’m no saying there is any good addiction to have, I’m sure there really isn’t, but gambling addiction is terrible because we can go through money so fast and it can be easier to hide. We also feel intense shame because people feel we should be able to control it. Just don’t do it. But we know and now there is proof that it is addictive, we are just making our own drugs in our brain in the form of chemicals that release when we bet and win etc. You also talk of alcohol issues which I’m sure just makes it all feel worse. And boy you said it when you talk about warped or distorted thinking. I would spend hours figure out ways to buy everything on the cheap and then blow it all in a slot machine in seconds or minutes. We think we are the normal ones and everyone else has the problem. But when we really step back and have a look as you did we can see how crazy it is where this is taking us.
I can’t promise you that you will be exactly the same person you were before you started gambling. But I think you can be all of those things. I also think that we often come out a better person than we were going in. And having an understanding of these types of problems will likely make you a better officer in the end. Very proud of you asking for rehab. You can do this. My GA group would often say, give us 90 days of meetings and if after that you don’t think it made a difference you can have your old life back any time. Take care Gino. Well done.
Laura