Dear Ice
My name is Jenny and I haven’t been here for a while as I am now a few years out of my relaitionship. Your posts remind me a bit of where I was some years ago.
I think what jumps out at me is that you know the advice you are taking and reading about is correct and that looking after you is the priority but your thoughts are preoccupied with ‘helping’ another who appears to as yet not be helping himself.
You cannot set boundaries for him, only yourself. You are doing enough by being there, but with this addiction nothing is ever enough until the light is seen by the owner. Most probably nothing is true that he is saying whilst the addiction continues to rampage!
It is easier for him to find blame in others for not helping etc not motivating !! Oh dear he is scraping the barrel there, take none of it on board or it will without a doubt bring you down.
This is his problem and ultimately only he can sort it – he needs to get his own motivation and take responsibility instead of looking to blame others whilst he wallows in self pity and denial of the issue.
It is so difficult to not worry and ‘mind your own business’ and to focus on you whilst you see a person you love attempting to self destruct but it’s true yet unrealistic until you get to that point where you are really comfortable with doing that.
You didn’t choose a different path but you still could, your choices have not been removed. If it was me I think now on reflection I should have thought more about the different paths I should have chosen and how things could have been better for me and my children – sooner.
The vile insults are bang out of order, addiction is not an excuse for abuse, when you look at boundaries concentrate on your boundaries and how you feel you deserve to be treated because it isn’t like this.
Keep reading but above all keep posting, every experience is different and everyone is individual. Tell your story and keep getting it out .
Wishing you well
Jenny