Have worked well tonight surprisingly given the current situ. Output near 90%. Annoying as this is what I can do when I put my mind to it and dont fall into the black filthy pit of gambling. If I could just maintain the work ethic and pushing forward without all these insane and utterly ridiculous relapses I know I would be swimming in clean water inside of 18 months.
Felt nausea again today and stresses. It hit me soon as I stepped off the plane. It stays with me with the odd dark thought and it really angers me. Am chatting lots to a girl I have only ever met one time in person. We seem to get along. We chat daily through the day through WatsApp and txt. She is funny makes me laugh but lives 2 and some hours away. Little bit hard faced emotionally and seems to not let her barriers down much. But I like her (I think) but am million miles away from a relationship at this time as I have zero to offer.
Am gonna hack through work I hope until 2 or 3am then eat dinner. Its wrong I know but I am back to the nocturnal lifestyle. I hate the day time in this country (loved it when was in Denmark) I may totally flip things around and do straight nights 5pm through to 5am and then kill as much of the day sleeping.
Writing things down can really help. Got a good message through from Gamtalk about the value of writing our “story” down. Link below for those interested. Hope its okay to include a link here but it is very on topic.
http://www.gamtalk.org/blog/how-writing-about-your-life-can-change-it