Dear diary
Today was no different from any other days. I may not be drinking or gambling but that doesn’t change the truth.
I was defeated by alcohol and gambling. I was powerless when I take alcohol and gamble, alcohol and gambling has make my life unmanageable.
The day I accepted that I can no longer take alcohol or gamble like a normal person, I stop trying to prove to myself that I can take alcohol or gamble like a normal person and be able to stop at will.
Many times my day is not perfect, and I was not perfect. It is ok not to be ok because no one is perfect. This is the truth, I do not need to panic or try to change this.
I continue to be powerless over people, place and things. I cannot control or change them but I can change myself. I take shorter time to change myself now, there is progress not perfection. Everything is still not ok but I am ok!
I no longer take alcohol or gamble for relief or self-medication. It is very very…. important for me to rest on my Higher Power (God and the 12 steps recovery program) at all times. When I forget to do that and start to depend on myself, I will start to get into all sort of troubles.
When I feel that I have the power and is in control, I begin to lose control and become powerless and I struggle to surrender and give up my self will.
When I was following my will, I was still trying to be in control of everything, I am not ready and have not yet let go and follow the will of a Higher Power.
Life was only good for me after I became powerless and surrender to a Higher Power.
I am really grateful to realize and feel powerlessness now, otherwise I will not surrender and turn to a Higher Power, I will not change and my life will not be manageable and return to normal.
I have finally found my Higher Power and rediscover joy in living life, there is love, freedom, peace, calm and contentment.
