Hello Jay,
I had to post to your thread because a lot of things you are dealing with are similar to my gambling addiction. I think nearly all of us addicts suffer from giving up gambling for GOOD. As you said, you lose, go through a little depression , take some time off and clear you head to only place another bet and win back some of the money and sometimes even more than you originally lost. However, as addicts we have no control over our gambling and eventually give back everything we won plus more. Its a repetitive cycle. Lose, take time off, win, lose it all, take time off, win, lose it all, take time off, win, lose it all… I’m the exact same way. There have been many times when I have taken time off, only to win and think to myself, hey i can win at this. I can beat the books ; only to lose back off the winnings. I’ve finally come to the conclusion and truly believe I can and will never be able to beat the books. Yes I might run lucky and win from time to time but in the long run I will always be a losing player because I lack control and discipline when it comes to gambling.
I have also lost in excess of 100k over the course of my 10 plus years of gambling, so you are not alone. I have to be honest with you, you are going to have to accept that in order to move forward with your life. Yes its a very very difficult thing to accept but its the truth. No, we can never get that money back. Its gone but at the same time, we can find satisfaction in the fact we will never give another dime of our hard earned money to the bookies ever again. If we don’t quit, that 100k will turn into 200k then 300k and before you know it, we are looking back on life with those same thoughts “wow, I can’t live with knowing I gave 300k over the course of 30 years to my bookie.” Because, as we both know, that’s exactly what will happen.
You made mention of you changing your lifestyle a few years back and becoming involved in fitness; why not give that another shot? Being active is great and the mental benefits can definitely help with this addiction.
I know you can beat this addiction. Its possible. We just have to take it one day at a time. Win today and nothing else matters. I do know you will have to let that loss of 100k go. You cant beat yourself up over. Many people have lost more. And thats not to compare your quit with anyone elses’ its just to say you are not alone. Others have giving up gambling, why cant we? Why cant we find happiness and success in other venues of life ? The truth is we can. We just give our all to our quits in order to achieve happiness outside of gambling. I’m up for it, and I hope you are as well. Have a great gamble free day!