Hi Logic55, I’m new to these forums and have just read your post. I recently had to end a 10 year relationship with a cg. By the end of it I’m over £100,000 lighter, in therapy, just about have roof over my head and not where I should be in my professional life!! All this due to wanting to ‘support’ my
CG….however it became toxic…very toxic. I became his enabler through coercion with abuse. Abusive is a word you used in one of your posts and you don’t like to be around him when he’s drinking because of your behaviour. You will never be strong enough to manage the gambling. It manages you and the CG. Your whole life will be even more consumed with gambling, more than it is now. You sound like a rescuer type person, without causing offence do yourself a favour and rescue yourself now. All the love care and support you are giving to gambling, give it back to yourself. Another word that came to mind is grooming/manipulation. He knows which buttons to press hence his use of the child missing you. Everything will always be your fault because you are trying to get him to stop gambling, but the addiction won’t let him. It needs to be fed…constantly. There will always be a hunch, dead cert etc to bet on. If you value your life and you want a healthy future, get out of this relationship as soon as you can. Deep down in your heart you know this is the truth, but your mind and voice are not yet fully aligned with the heart. He himself may not be a monster but the gambling most certainly is. As my therapist said to me: ‘You were never going to think your way out’! I had to take drastic intervention to change my situation. I am getting my life back together, I don’t miss the abuse, I miss parts of him but I know I saved him too by acting with tough love although he may not see it that way. It’s a joy to know that for the first time in ten years my next pay packet; not one penny of it will go towards gambling!!
