Thanks for the comments Geordie, it does help hearing similar stories and knowing people do read.
Luckily my mum has taken control of my salary and monies, but she’s very frugal and doesn’t believe I should spend on myself until my debts are all cleared. Rightly or wrongly this has made me get more depressed as I can’t organise to go out with friends or do anything I want. Hence not going out for 2 months now. It’s all my own fault and on bad days Ive even found myself still trying to borrow money off friends. Last months borrowed and tried to juggle money to cover my tracks. I’ve asked friends not to lend me, but there’s only so many obstacles I can put in place! It’s all become so embarrassing, practically begging for money from friends to bet with, I’ve managed to isolate myself. one day I’ll bet £1000 on something and then the next I’ll have a 50p accumulator to give me hope (false hope obviously). As we speak I get really anxious about not being able to bet on the Cheltenham festival which had been a big occasion for me. I’ve been trying to avoid it, but it’s very hard.
I’ve tried loads of obstacles, but in desperation I keep finding ways around them, then being disgusted at myself after.
What’s really depressing is I hate the person I’ve become! I hope things get better, but that hope fades day by day.