I have not told anyone about my compulsive gambling problem. I’ve always had enough “control” and didn’t lose enough to let others know about my secret. compulsive gambling has caused me to go through a living hell over the past 15 years. I went to my first GA meeting at the age of 18 and now, 12 years later, I still have not stopped. I didn’t and still don’t feel safe in GA. I feel as if I’m an outsider, that my problems aren’t as bad as everyone else’s. I’ve never been to jail, stolen money. I have a great job. However, when I think about everything that has happened to me in the past 15 years, the emotional, financial and psychological damage that it has taken on me. I might be in worse shape than the people at GA.
I feel extremely blessed that I have money in the bank, my health, my future ahead of me and a wonderful and loving family. I have everything any man could ever ask for. Yet, despite having everything, I feel a tremendous sense of shame, guilt and regrets.
I regret that I have lost somewhere in the neighborhood of $200k betting on the stock market, poker, craps, blackjack, sports betting. More importantly, I have lost tens of thousands of hours in my life by not being present for those who I love the most. I have not focused on my career. I could be so much better at what I’m doing had I spent those 15,000 hours on my job. I have spent 10% of my time on this planet thinking about or gambling.
I am thankful for this website as it will provide me with an avenue to share my thoughts and feelings. I will also use it for support when the inevitable cravings return. It feels so overwhelming to restart as my last binge was from 2/22/12. This time, I won’t take anything for granted and will try to live life one day at a time. thank you.