Good Morning Everyone, I wanted to give an update since I recently got out of rehab for gambling addiction. I first posted in Jun and continued to have slips until I went to rehab this past Jul at a facility in Toronto. Even after first posting here and going to GA (for a couple months at that point) I still gambled and my depression got worse and worse, as identified above. Since I realized I had a problem I have lost 40k since April and gambled online a week up until I went to rehab. I was completely hopeless and thought about suicide frequently…even going as far as making a suicide bag but failing because I didn’t get a big enough helium tank.
Anyways, I’m glad I failed, and I’m glad I got helped before I blew the rest of my savings and took on debt. The first three weeks at rehab were tough but I had several one on one sessions focusing on my views on money and why I was doing what I was doing. I may never know all of the reason why I gambled but I know a large part of it was that I was hoarding money and not spending anything on myself besides gambling (I’m excited to buy some new clothes and furniture this weekend and am becoming more balanced). I met people at the rehab who had stories like mine but had gone longer and caused more damage overall. There were three times over the six weeks I had an uncontrollable urge to gamble, and before rehab this kept me in the loop of gambling and depression. I thought it would be a good idea to watch the movie “21” and see how I reacted. It made me so excited and I was convinced if I counted cards and only played black jack at land casinos and not online I would make my money back…luckily I wasn’t able to gamble. The last couple of days before I left I had a lot of anxiety but it’s been two weeks on the “outside” and I haven’t gambled (online black jack was my thing) but I’m not letting my guard down. Been triggered a couple times, but knowing what I know now it’s been easier. I feel what has helped me the most has been getting my depression under control and actually taking meds, when I was depressed I thought losing 10k was the end of the world….but I just couldn’t get over it and it made the gambling worse and worse. I know bad things will happen in the future but I know I won’t use gambling to cope with them. I have been “clean” since 5 Jul 18 and I’m so happy that I’m not thinking about gambling, guilt and shame 24/7. It’s still there a bit the whole thing still sucks but it’s not crippling me anymore. I’m actually interested in things I enjoyed before and also have a new lady friend to hang out with who knows I’m in recovery from gambling and doesn’t seem to mind.
I highly recommend Bellwood in Toronto for anyone who is having trouble beating this and their current action plan hasn’t been working. From my understanding they are the only inpatient rehab in Canada that has a specific gambling program, others lump you in with alcohol/drug addiction (any rehab is good but I wouldn’t have gotten as nearly as much out of it if it wasn’t focused on gambling). They do stress total abstinence and as we know drinking goes with gambling, I would like to drink again but I’m scared what will happen if I do, and I’m not sure how that will play out. Now I know life can get worse and there’s still a lot left I can lose so that should hopefully keep me on the straight and narrow, I do not ever plan on gambling ever again. Thank you for reading… Eugene